It's happening to me again...

I started thinking of this particular person... Someone whom I gave up my dream for... Someone I gave up my chance to be what I wanna be... Have I regret? I regret not... I thought I have long forgotten her but I doubt so... or perhaps I had already forgotten her but recent incident reminded me of her... I went thru' the the memory bank and I am terribly hurt... I, as an emotional being, unable to control my tears, poured it all out onto my pillow... and flashes of memories couldn't stop coming after I unlock it...

2 days ago, I heard this, “我好挂念，我好挂念，我仍关心你的一切”and“ 我会想念，我会想念，我会祝福你到永远”, meaning "I miss (you) so, I miss (you) so, I am still concern about your all" and "I will think (of you), I will think (of you), I will pray for your heavenly blessing forever" respectively... I just simply can't help it but to remember her... and it simply describe my exact feeling right now... I miss her so, I miss her so, I am still concern about her well being... I will think of her, I will think of her but the only thing I can do is to bless her...

I kept wondering if I have gotten over her... Perhaps I have but if so why am I feeling so dreadful now? I am feeling very weak now... yes... absolutely vunerable... I wanna talk to someone, hug someone, have someone to accompany me... I am just simply down... I tried taking a walk but it's not working out..

I am starting to lose sleep, lose my appetite, and lose interest in everything... I want to indulge in my own loneliness but I need a listening ear, an absorbent shoulder and a nice hug or a pat on my head... I am contradicting myself, right? I think I am lost... lost again...