"... wanna remind u tat e longer u keep urself in bad mood, e further ur distance from ur frds" Someone told me this today... How I wish I am in good mood... I tried my best the past few days.. think of happy memories, do things to destress myself (which I am not stress, so no use), watch TV, read, sleep, eat, smile as much as possible... All I can say is if emotions are so easily within my control, I won't be in this state...

Finally, I decided to called him and a little chat with him over dinner just now... it's being quite a while since I last seen him when I began to manage my own life... He was kinda shock to see me again... (look like I am such a detestable person)...

He still used his same old ways on me... Anyway, it still "work" on me... coz he is always that assuring... AND AND AND, something I really admire about him, he is able to wait for me to finish ALL my talking before he start talking and he remember every single thing I said...

(key point extracted only)
me: I just enjoyed being myself.. isolated, departed from this world.. No more fake smiles, no more fake laughter to make others merrier and myself more miserable.
him: okay.. ask yourself, is it good or no good for you to be isolated?
me: ermmm... well... at least I don't feel so tired after all... I guess it's good?
him: okay... so you mean it is good to be isolated.. good, does isolation from the world does you any help?
me: alamak... you and ur question... no, it's not bringing me any benefit in the long run BUT at least for now, I just wanna indulge in my loneliness... being the jim that I used to know... he need to be release, u know?
him: Oh okay.. so you need to let the wild cat out of the cage?
me: hahaha... ya right...
him: so, is it possible to have the wild cat to be in the wilderness for that long time?
me: haiz... I wish it can but I still need to work so gotta lock it out during office hours.. ha..
him: hmmm... well, wild cat is kinda dangerous in the wilderness, from what I know.
me: okay, stop the nonsense... I know what kind of qns you will ask. I know u long enough to know that. just go straight to point.
him: hahaha... well, it is good to let go of yourself once in a blue moon and I know that you always let go of urself during the mid yr and yr end period.. You can continue to do that, and of course please remember to think for yourself at times, don't put on a smile which make urself miserable. if you are miserable, say it out, sing it out, dance it out, draw it out, shout it out... do whatever thing you felt pleased. Here a few things I need you to do for me. List down 10 things that people know about you, 10 things people don't know about you and 10 things you wish people know about you. can?? simple?
me: kaoz, everytime I see you, I have to do homework! very tiring leh... btw, it sound very bloggy to me... anyway, I be mySELF just for today and 1 last day, I hope...
him: Am I really that mean? haha.. Is being yourSELF for one more last day good or not good for you?
me: wau lau... u start again... as usual, my answer will be at least to me, I feel good...
him: What?? I started again? haha... I am just trying to set your mind to think than to idle. okay, so being yourself for 1 last day, is it helping you or hurting you? Does it stop your usual activities?
me: It's not hurting me or helping me... ermm, yes... it's helping me.. helping me to feel good... stop my usual activities? no... I am still breathing and eating and u know...
him: okay... good... so... shall I see you again on ........................................

The session is good... I know him so well that he always set my brain to think and think and think... that's his style... which is good... it's past midnight now and I think I felt good... After spending so much today.. on shopping and pampering myself... HAHAHA... and yes not forgetting my essential... Ben & Jerry... OK... gotta do my homework...