me: what time are you leaving tomorrow?
her: morning...
me: when will you be back?
her: don't know
me: alright...
her: what about you? when are you leaving?
me: me?? i getting comfortable here and Canada is kinda far and...
her: you are always like this... never firm in your decision...
me: but...
her: i understand how you feel, in fact i didn't really want to leave singapore for london..
me: why did you leave then?
her: few reasons... i want a change... change into a careerwoman.. and maybe, i want to run away...
me: i'm sorry... i didn't mean...
her: it's okay... I'm alright.. really! anyway, i hope that you are able to do what you want...
me: i'm too tired to move on, i'm just like a lost sheep, nowhere to turn to... haiz...
her: no... you know exactly what you want... just that you want confirmation from someone... someone special in your heart...
me: ermmmm....
her: i really hope you can be strong and move on...
me: i try la... no promise.. haha
her: haiz.. confirm nato, no action, talk only... okay... i gotta sleep le... you sleep early la...
me: okay... nitez...
her: good nitez... and hope that you will seriously consider Canada...
me: okay la okay la... good nitez

She changed so much... She is so much stronger and firm now... her voice is with authority... She looks much more confident and mature now... she is no longer the girl next door i used to know... she no longer the girl who always cooked soup for me... she is no longer the girl who clinch by me and cry by my shoulder when things went wrong... I felt so inferior... I felt so small... Did I change? She said I am more soft hearted now... more emotional... less confident... more lonely...

Permission had been seeked to publish our conversation over the phone just now... I felt so lost... I need a guide... I need some words of encouragement... I need a hug and shoulder for me to count on, to know that I am not alone... I'm no longer the same as before... I just need someone...