Yes, I am weak!~!~!
I admit it!!
Just get lost!~!~!
Don't force me!
Please... please...

Great Singapore Sales!!! My favourite event of the year... went orchard today, not to shop for stuffs, don't get me wrong, just to get the feeling of GSS... the feeling is BAD!!! TERRIBLE!!! i wanna buy this and that and this and that!!! BUT haiz..... this year, I am on tight budget as I am planning to go for a tour end of this year... Shanghai... hopefully will drop by Hong Kong and Beijing... See how it goes...

I was walking along Orchard, walking from shopping centre to shopping centre... I had that feeling again... I simply don't understand, it's being so long and yet it is still haunting me... Wanted to watch "Over the hedge" but after some pondering, I decided against it... aiya, have being walking round and round the same area... keep on procasinating... simply have no idea of what I'm doing... guess I am too tired ba... felt like giving up...

OMG! Have a test on Monday... All the best to me!

It's happening to me again...

I started thinking of this particular person... Someone whom I gave up my dream for... Someone I gave up my chance to be what I wanna be... Have I regret? I regret not... I thought I have long forgotten her but I doubt so... or perhaps I had already forgotten her but recent incident reminded me of her... I went thru' the the memory bank and I am terribly hurt... I, as an emotional being, unable to control my tears, poured it all out onto my pillow... and flashes of memories couldn't stop coming after I unlock it...

2 days ago, I heard this, “我好挂念，我好挂念，我仍关心你的一切”and“ 我会想念，我会想念，我会祝福你到永远”, meaning "I miss (you) so, I miss (you) so, I am still concern about your all" and "I will think (of you), I will think (of you), I will pray for your heavenly blessing forever" respectively... I just simply can't help it but to remember her... and it simply describe my exact feeling right now... I miss her so, I miss her so, I am still concern about her well being... I will think of her, I will think of her but the only thing I can do is to bless her...

I kept wondering if I have gotten over her... Perhaps I have but if so why am I feeling so dreadful now? I am feeling very weak now... yes... absolutely vunerable... I wanna talk to someone, hug someone, have someone to accompany me... I am just simply down... I tried taking a walk but it's not working out..

I am starting to lose sleep, lose my appetite, and lose interest in everything... I want to indulge in my own loneliness but I need a listening ear, an absorbent shoulder and a nice hug or a pat on my head... I am contradicting myself, right? I think I am lost... lost again...

It's another weekend... I looked into the sky earlier on... I started to wonder why am I still around... I mean why am I out in this world in the first place? I am simply hopeless... I can't seem to do anything well... I don't seem to achieve anything great... I am not what other think I am... I always sense that struggle within me.. I am too tired to move on...

Suddenly I smelled something sweet... it refreshed me... I wondered what was that... I just felt so different after that... I started questioning myself, "Am I not hopeless but TOO hopefully, wish for only perfection, fear of failure?" It's not that I can't do anything well but I am too greedy and I am expecting something more... It's not I have not achieved something great but the fact is I had already achieved something great and I am just not satisfied...

Being tagged by sTaRm|sT

I AM: what I am...
I WANT: this, that, this, that and those... (greedy boy)
I WISH: for rainbow everyday...
I HATE: chinese!!!
I MISS: those wonderful time that I used to have...
I FEAR: of my uncertain future...
I HEAR: angels singing to me something...
I WONDER: if I can really do it...
I REGRET: not.
I AM NOT: as simple as you think I might be
I DANCE: when I was younger... (now old le, bones fragile)
I SING: softly and tunelessly.
I CRY: very easily
I AM NOT ALWAYS: shy and quiet as some might think I am...
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: food!!!
I WRITE: out my emotion and feeling in that little booklet of mine...
I CONFUSE: myself most of the time.
I NEED: to be more confident.
I SHOULD: be more confident.
I START: by doing things that I never try before.
I FINISH: work at 6... (seriously , I dunno what I had finish)
I LOVE: everyone who is worthy...
I REMEMBER: all my friends' birthdays...

I TAG: all those who are reading this...

她轻靠我的肩 车票握在手心里面
窗外风景变换倒退 思绪回到有你的从前
像小说的情节 你我曾爱的浪漫缠绵
用了心想要完成每个誓约
祈祷爱情可以永不变
叹 世界太多变 如今是她和我依偎 我
怎能不抱歉 听说你仍紧锁着心扉
我好挂念 我好挂念
我仍关心 你的一切
只是很单纯 像朋友久违
想要知道 你都顺遂
我会想念 我会想念
我会祝福 你到永远
若你也记得 那些昨天
永保安康 是我们最后诺言

18th May... the long awaited day... turned up to be quite a disaapointment...

Yes, 18th May is the day when da vinci code is out... turned out... the show is so draggy...haiz... well, nonetheless, it is a show worth watching on the first day... Oops... so late liao... think better go sleep before i doze off at work tomolo... kekee...

Time check: 1131hrs… What am I doing? Dazing into the monitor… sitting at my office… boring… Saw Desmond last Sunday… wow, why am I meeting all my secondary school frds these few days?? Forget to ask him if he is married… kekee… heard he got married last year… hmmm… ignore me for babbling nonsense… nothing to do in the office… *dazed*

Met Junjie just now at city hall... my secondary school classmate... can't believe we have known each other for close to 10 years le... according to her, Dingzhong and Aihui got married already... ALAMAK...and look like many of other classmates are getting very well too... haiz...

haiz... another of my friend might be leaving for Shanghai soon...She might be post to Shanghai to work for a year or so... my good piggy frd lor... Violet... know her for 7 years le... haiz... more and more frds leaving me...

说好的三年不见面用我们的爱把时间留住
你笑着说这是我们的考验我们的约定

就这样三年又过了我还是回到这个地方
闭上眼等你的出现空气中吻你的脸

我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
他也偷偷的掉泪了

我还记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
连那风都笑我了
我想他会告诉你的我更爱你了

就这样三年又过了我还是回到这个地方
闭上眼等你的出现空气中吻你的脸

我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
他也偷偷的掉泪了

我还记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
连那风都笑我了
我想他会告诉你的我更爱你了

你会记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
他也偷偷的掉泪了

你会记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
听着风我也笑了
他一定会告诉你的我更爱你了

It's killing me... Boredom is killing me!!! OKAY... I shall drown my next week of free time (since I tendered, so very free la).. I decided to catch all the following shows.... kekee... join me if you are interested!!

M:I:III
Poseidon
When A Stranger Calls
Where The Truth Lies

Yippe!!!

Finally, they called...

"Is this Mr Koh?"
"Yes"
"Hi, I am XXX from YYY, are you convenient to talk now?"
"Yes"
"Last week you met up with our SVP, and now I am offically offering the position of AAA at YYY, will you like to accept it?"
"Definitely, why not?"
"Okay, let's me share with you the salary package and the benefits....."

This is a long awaited call... I waited over the weekend... How formal... hahahaha... I am tendering tomorrow... kekekee... *evil*

New place, new beginning... I shall shelf the plan of further study in Canada for a time being... April and Ying... Thanks for your continuous supports, informations and advices on studying in Canada... Sad to say I am not going le... i mean the plan will be put on hold while will decide further till the 2 universities that I applied, get back to me.... lalalalalalalala

me: what time are you leaving tomorrow?
her: morning...
me: when will you be back?
her: don't know
me: alright...
her: what about you? when are you leaving?
me: me?? i getting comfortable here and Canada is kinda far and...
her: you are always like this... never firm in your decision...
me: but...
her: i understand how you feel, in fact i didn't really want to leave singapore for london..
me: why did you leave then?
her: few reasons... i want a change... change into a careerwoman.. and maybe, i want to run away...
me: i'm sorry... i didn't mean...
her: it's okay... I'm alright.. really! anyway, i hope that you are able to do what you want...
me: i'm too tired to move on, i'm just like a lost sheep, nowhere to turn to... haiz...
her: no... you know exactly what you want... just that you want confirmation from someone... someone special in your heart...
me: ermmmm....
her: i really hope you can be strong and move on...
me: i try la... no promise.. haha
her: haiz.. confirm nato, no action, talk only... okay... i gotta sleep le... you sleep early la...
me: okay... nitez...
her: good nitez... and hope that you will seriously consider Canada...
me: okay la okay la... good nitez

She changed so much... She is so much stronger and firm now... her voice is with authority... She looks much more confident and mature now... she is no longer the girl next door i used to know... she no longer the girl who always cooked soup for me... she is no longer the girl who clinch by me and cry by my shoulder when things went wrong... I felt so inferior... I felt so small... Did I change? She said I am more soft hearted now... more emotional... less confident... more lonely...

Permission had been seeked to publish our conversation over the phone just now... I felt so lost... I need a guide... I need some words of encouragement... I need a hug and shoulder for me to count on, to know that I am not alone... I'm no longer the same as before... I just need someone...

A rainbow picture sent by my friend to me.... nice?? kekee...